Wednesday, 30 April 2014

A retrospective guide to friends you had in highschool

There is a reason why teen movies work: the below stereotypes.

1. Everyone's best friend.
This lass/lad is friends with every single person in your school. This is almost inexplicable. Everyone's best friend continues to be everyone's best friend once leaving high school. You don't know whether you secretly love or loathe them. Ever.

2. The terrible flirt.
If you ever meet a person in high school who knows a bunch of pick up lines, it isn't because they find them funny. They honestly intend to try it on someone some day. Also, the terrible flirt is incredibly obvious and will ask for love advice when they don't actually need it, and probably won't for another ten years.

3. The activist.
This person saw something on Today Tonight and decided that it must be true. Suddenly they are raising money, going on trips to who knows where and trying to integrate their latest cause into every assignment they do during year 11. This probably helps for Year 12 Social Studies practice, but by then they will be onto a whole new cause, possibly fighting against their previously backed one.

4. The one who comes to school for two months and never comes back.
For some reason, this person is your best friend for awhile and then disappears completely. I went to school before social media was really a thing (MSN Messenger anyone?), so maybe this kind of things is a little more rare these days.

5. The oversharing siblings.
Oh, the siblings. I don't need to know anything you want to tell me about your sister. The end.

6. The first one to have a car.
This person either a) inherited their family's "first car" or b) saved up dosh made from frying up chips to buy an 80s relic. This person will drive everyone around for the first three months until someone else gets a better car. Also, someone will probably make out in that car and it won't be the person who drives it.

7. The one with the perks.
In my school, one way to become cool would be to have access to smokes and share them with the more, well, "popular" kids. If you don't have access to tobacco, your car, disposable income or your ability to help with homework will suffice, until it is deemed unnecessary.

8. The opposite sex best friend.
You never quite know whether these two are a) a couple or b) actually just really good friends. Sometimes the lines blur a bit. If you didn't have one, you missed out. Just sayin'.

9. Everyone's cousin.
Maybe it's a country thing, but there always seems to be one, two or ten people who are related, however distantly, to almost everyone in the school. Concerning, yes. Hard to get a date... possibly.

10. The music/art/drama kids.
You never really get these kids. I mean, some of them know they are good, some of them are rubbish at their skills but continue to pursue The Arts anyway. These types always dress up for school sports day in an ironic way.

11. The one with issues.
If you have ever been laughed at, don't mention it to this teenager. They haven't just been laughed at, they have been laughed at by their entire class because they said something the wrong way. If you've ever been in a traffic bingle, they have been in a four car pile up, requiring the Jaws of Life to help them escape so they can save a person on fire. They want to do social work because they have been through so much and want to help others. And also, they enjoy counselling you, even when you don't need it.

12. The fart machine.
Every class has a farter. Usually this fades away by the end of Year Nine, but a once a fart machine, always a fart machine.

13. The first one to get a real boyfriend/girlfriend.
There are two types of boyfriends in high school - the lunchtime boyfriend and the date boyfriend. The date boyfriend will take you on a date, without all his friends (and yours) waiting for you to hold hands or something. The lunchtime boyfriend just wants a cuddle and to look cool. Sometimes he will even hang around a huge group of girls to prove what a man he is. Rock on.

14. The boy everyone likes.
Everyone has got a crush on this super star. He may be a pretty boy or maybe he is just an incredibly nice person. Girls are lining up for this fella, and before you know it he has found someone at a different school in a different year level and you hardly ever see him anymore.

15. The 10-word vocab boy.
Most often seen in the Junior School, this boy has a vocab of about 10 words: yes, no and a range of expletives I won't repeat on this blog.

16. The one with the bad haircut.
For some reason this person never ever gets it right. No one is really sure why. Short hair, long hair, bob, fringe, red, blonde, black. They just can't rock whatever look they are going for.

And also, the friends you never had because they only exist in movies:

1. The uber cool gay friend.
Urban legend suggests that a very cool gay guy would be an awesome shopping companion, wingman and all around great token gay person to have around. I have gay friends and none of them are like Carson. Or Christian from Clueless.

2. The make-over friend.
In movies there is always the girl who gets made-over by someone else and comes to school as a whole new woman. This doesn't happen in real life. There is no Sandra Dee to your Frenchie, so let's forget that scene ever really happened and assume Danny still would have loved Sandy even without all her sexy hair and Lycra pants.

3. The class clown.
Winston Egbert is truly a man based on a clown. A clown who never exists. Yes, some people are hilarious, but no one is funny, sweet, kind, gets on well with teachers and gets away with being a joker just because he is the class clown. (Or she. However, the funny fat girl does exist, but that's not so much of a stereotype... or is it?)

Saturday, 26 April 2014

The SWWDHDPFL Diet - brought to you by Derryn Hinch.

Recently Matt gifted me a wonderful book. A book which had cost just one dollar. It was called The Derryn Hinch Diet. Written in 1991, this book tells the tale of an overweight journalist who loses some weight by following what is called the SWW Diet (Soup and White Wine). This is kind of confusing because the book is called the Derryn Hinch Diet, so either they use the names interchangeable or Derryn did not want to call it the DHD. From what I can gather, the diet was loosely based on another diet called Fit for Life, the staffers in his office called Derryn's diet Pissed for Life, due to his inclusion of alcohol. In short, there are three and a half names for Derryn Hinch's diet. Let's just call it SWWDHDPFL.

If you want to follow the diet, here's some tips from the Big D.

Breakfast: Only fresh fruit until 12pm. You can have liquids during this time. Derryn also confesses to having a diet Coke with his breakfast fruit serving. Derryn likes papaya for brekky, but mango or paw-paw will do.
Lunch: Eat ANYTHING you want, except marg or butter with your bread roll.
Dinner: Soup, bread, crackers. No marg or butter with your soup. If you go out for dinner, consider eating two soups, one for entree and one for main. Derryn also recommends not eating soup at any other time of the day otherwise you will get tired of it.

To be honest none of the recipes appealed to me. Most are tainted with the line 'Add MSG' and are also a variation from a restaurant Hinchy has eaten in.

Bread is fine. The only problem with bread is what  people put on it. And same with pasta - the problem is how it is cooked and served. Potatoes are also fine.

Snacking is forbidden.

Other forbidden things:
Desserts. Milk, cheese, chocolate, biscuits, dried fruits, potato chips and dips.

Look kids, exercising is a waste of time. Do some walking, some swimming or cycling for 30 minutes. Also, exercise is boring.

You can have white wine on this diet. After all, it has been written for drinkers.
You can't have coffee or tea with milk.

If you go on this diet, you may have a higher chance of meeting celebrities, especially B-listers from the 80s and possibly some Royals. Also, Derryn went to the Fergie Dinner (which I can only guess is differ with Sarah Ferguson, and not Fergie from Black Eye Peas) and asked for soup for his main course. Derryn explains "Now, I am not going to insult your intelligence. Not everyone can walk into a Royal Command Dinner and try to change the menu. But you will be surprised how how easy it can be done. And I would have been quite happy just eating the bread."

Healthy Living
This chapter is actually about giving up smoking, and to be honest I can't snark about this one. Considering it was 1991, Hinchy did a lot of people a favour by including this.
And back to 2014...
Derryn wrote a quick article about returning to his SWW/The Derryn Hinch Diet/Fit for Life/Pissed For Life diet. You can read about that here.

Derryn has followed this diet once while writing the book, and once again while losing weight in 2013. It worked for him and several other people he knew. I always say "What works for you may not work for me." It's not that I couldn't function without my snacks. but I don't think this diet suits my nutritional needs.

As a journalist and someone who gets his head on television a lot, you have to admire Derryn. However, using is outdated soup diet book is probably not the best thing to go by... but it was the early 90s. That's good enough for me to explain away some of the concerns I have with it. The knowledge base around weight loss changes rapidly - at the moment the clean eating and Paleo diets are in. Who knows what we will have in a few more years. Truth is that soup diets have always been promoted, and will continue to be. Derryn applied information gleaned from different places, such as Fit for Life and then set up a diet to suit his own lifestyle. And let's be honest, more people should be taking that kind of initiative and just, well, don't.

In terms of reading, the diet book is much more interesting to read in comparison to other books, as it is autobiographical as well - like French Women Don't Get Fat but with fewer French expressions, though I know know soupe is not French for 'soup'. Thanks Hinchy.

Things I no longer hear... at least for now.

Now I don't work in classrooms, here's a list of things I don't hear anymore:

1. Anything about boy bands, X-Factor stars, reality TV.

2. I hate my brother/sister rants.

3. Highly embarrassing stories about what a student's parents did on the weekend.

4. Fart jokes.

5. My name suddenly taking twenty second to say: Mrs Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurch (PS - I am being phonetic, I can spell my own name).

6. "Mrs Birch, why are you wearing/eating/drinking that?"

7. "Do I have to?"

8. "I've lost my drink bottle/book/pen/jumper... and my mum is gonna kill me! "

Yes, that is me carrying a sword on the RHS while working at St Martins.
9. "Have you seen  ____?" (insert name of inappropriate show - it can be a children's programme or Mrs Brown's Boys, I've been asked about almost everything.)

10. "Sorry, sorry, MISS Holbrook." (Yes, I do correct children. It's a name, get it right. They complain when I don't get the correct pronunciation of Shayanne/Cheyene/Shanae right).

11. "My mum always says that."

12. "When is it lunch time?"

13. "You're the best teacher."
Yes, the only one I miss ins Number 13, even if it is only said because I've given a reward - which is 99% of the time.

Derby Girl VS Whip It: Nothing like a book/film comparison on a Sunday morning.

I am the proud owner of both the derby film Whip It and the book it was based on, Derby Girl by Shauna Cross. Last weekend I watched Whip It with Stephen while I was partway through my re-re-re-read of the novel. There aren't a lot of differences in the plot line, but still a fair bit I wanted to comment on all the same.

1. Derby Girl is a Young Adults novel. The movie is a coming-of-age tale in a grown up world.
One review I read of Derby Girl mentions how much of a YA novel this is, and how some people won't be able to relate to it. It's probably hard for me to diss this idea as I really love YA fiction. On the other hand, if you were ever a teenager, if you ever liked derby and if you ever did things like dying your hair blue, you will relate to this novel.

2. Pash is a lot less of a crappy friend in the film.
Whip It's Pash is amazing. I would love to be her friend. Why? She drives Bliss to bouts, covers a shift so Bliss can go on a date, is fun to be around and is almost-always her number one fan. And also this line (which is in both film and book): "I didn't have a roller skating Barbie phase. I had a 'fat kid sits inside and reads' phase."

3. Malice/Maggie is amazing.
Malice in Wonderland in Derby Girl is about 20 and lives in college. She has her own place and even buys the lie that Bliss has had her skates stolen without asking questions. Bliss goes as far to suggest that Malice in her derby fairy godmother. Not a bad title really.

In the film I love Maggie Mayhem (Malice's renamed character, who has the same name as Shauna Cross's derby alter ego). Why? So many reasons. She is the first person to suggest that Bliss tries derby. She is incredibly nice to everyone - even Iron Maven. Towards the end of the film we discover that Maggie never comes to the after parties because she has a son - and she seems like the coolest mum ever.

4. The film's roller girls are more than friends-in-name-only.
 Of course the novel isn't going to capture the essence of being in a team - if anything it reminds me of when Stephen comes home and tells me what everyone from footy did during the game but I have no idea who he is talking about. Well, except in name only. Bliss's friends in the novel are very one-dimensional, with a few expections: Iron Maiden and Malice in Wonderland.

The film explored characters briefly but enough to get an essence of who they are. Spring and I love Smashley Simpson (Drew Barrymore's character) who features only in the bouts and after-party scenes. Each of the roller girls have a particular style and their characters (or at least their alter egos) are fleshed out enough to make us believe that a) they are actual friends of Bliss and b) they are each very unique. Just like roller derby.

5. The book explores more about the life Bliss leads, including her complicated relationship with her parents.
 If anything, the book probably dwells on this too much. Okay, we get it, Bliss's parents are strange and are still in a discovery mode about their own lives. Ed, for example, doesn't make any decisions about his family, while Brooke is trying to live vicariously through her daughters. These aren't unfamiliar narratives, but still interesting. Best line from the movie: when Bliss returns home and apologizes to her dad for being horrible he says "Already forgotten kiddo." Gets me every single time.

6. Oliver is still a jerk.
I actually hate Oliver.
Not just because he cheats on Bliss, but because she can't ever really be herself around him. She has to lie a lot (especially in the novel),  and when he goes back to get his guitar during the first time they meet, he never comes back - surely it isn't too hard to find Bliss helping Pash throw up - after all, it was in the bathroom next door to the music nook. In the novel Bliss is so upset about Oliver that she doesn't even use his name, using ______ instead.
All too real-to-life was when Bliss goes to her school library on those old rubbishy computers and find photos of Oliver and the chick wearing her Stryper t-shirt. I think we have all had moments like that - when it all gets too hard, you run away and eat shepherd's pie on the floor of you kitchen. Or similar. Brooke kindly says "Whoever her is, he doesn't deserve you," which is incredibly sweet considering that Bliss has spent the last few days being a whiny teenager.

7. Derby sounds a lot easier in Derby Girl than Whip It.
Although Bliss tells us that at the fresh meat intake she is not really skilled, except at speed skating, this is the only time we hear anything to contradict this. From what I can gather, the time frame for both the movie and the book is only a few months. How does Bliss go from barely being able to do anything on skates to suddenly becoming a jammer? All the same, this is fiction and poetic license is allowed (I suppose).

8. Bliss has interesting hobbies, including shoplifting from Wal-Mart.
Novel Bliss shoplifts for fun from Wal-Mart with Pash. She suggests this hobby only began because the chain store rejected her application, possibly due to her blue hair. All the same, I'm glad movie Bliss is a bit more redeemable in this respect. She does pay for her own shoes after all.

9. Both versions of Bliss are still highly awkward and almost cringe-worthy in how easy it is to relate to them.
Sometimes Bless says the lamest things. least favoruite line: during a bout when they are being thrashed by the other team, Bliss says "Let's go ape shit," in an incredibly serious way. Out of character slightly, it just didn't seem to work in screen for me.
What is great about Bliss is that she's fully aware of how awkward she really is. How many teenagers know that or would ever admit to it? Very few. That's why I love Bliss.

10. Derby changes a girl's life, the end.
In the end, the these two tales tell the same thing: derby changes lives. One of the most beautiful things about Bliss is that she had labelled herself as a misfit, until she found derby. She says in the book: these are our people when first discovering The Dollhouse and derby. And once Bliss has fully integrated into derby life, she starts thinking outside her Bodeen existence - a tangible and real plan based on her knowledge gleaned from young adulthood.

Go Babe Ruthless!

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Making sense of mixing: the things we missed out on

My worldview has been constantly changed and challenged since I was 15. As a young person you often allow people to have an impact on your life when they really aren't entitled to. And by people, I don't really mean actual people, just their ideas and thoughts.

My friends and I have spent a lot of time discussing how the church and Christian life has gone wrong for us. In church, and Bible College, we were taught that it is "never about you". If you want to use the analogy of Christ as the bridegroom and the Church as His betrothed, surely we are getting something wrong here.  As I have written about before, marriage is two equal parts. And as the saying goes, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Surely this applies to church too. After all, if worship is how we connect with God, if God doesn't need our worship (but delights in it), if we are not giving with a generous spirit, surely that is leading to an unequal and unfulfilled relationship? Of course, in marriage you have to do things to make your spouse's life better (Stephen takes out the bins for me, even though he hates it).

I question whether Christianity is really about church though. I know a lot of passionate Christians who have great difficulty with church life. I am one of them. I have written in the past about my struggles with modern day Christianity. I know that I'm not alone - in fact I just read a really lovely open letter here about it.

There is one thing which my little circle seems a bit hung up on - in what is possibly a good way - the I Kissed Dating Goodbye saga.  Or *grumble voice* Joshua Harris. If you haven't read this book you can find some pretty good outlines on the web. If you can't be bothered, here are some of the trivial and not so trivial aspects of the book:

-dating (in the American sense of the word) doesn't permit people to be themselves as they are too eager to please the other person
-get to know the opposite gender in group settings 
-courtship - that is relationships with the goal of marriage should be the only romantic relationships you should look at entering into
-dating other people means you give part of your heart to them, and you only have what's left for your future spouse
-purity at all costs. Also a long tale about some racy newlyweds who didn't kiss before their wedding day and are so pent up with passion they have to hold hands when seated behind each other in the car

A lot of this stuff probably makes some sense to some people. I didn't take this on board initially, but found when I got to Bible College that a lot of people (including possible boyfriends potential husbands) really valued this kind of information. In fact, I have met many a couple who take taken some of these ideas - Josh himself would be loathed to call them rules - and put them into practice.

My very quick Google search today on the book title led me to a whole string of issues people had with the book, including a generation of Christian men and women who, in their own words, are dumb-daters, or stunted in their relationship development. I don't think that was what the book was really meant to be about. While Josh probably had best intentions at heart, this marry-a-best-friend-after-group-bowling-dates wave swept through the Gen Ys right when they didn't need it.

Why does this book resonate with us so much when obviously it has the potential to do so much damage?

1. Every man and woman's battle was discussed - somewhat.
I remember our YITS community talking often about the Every Young Man's Battle book (they also had one for young women which I did own, and then - thankfully - lost). Again, similar in the way that it sets up thinking around purity, but actually covers gender issues appropriately. The main focus is on sex, lust and impurity, and what we can do to avoid it (yes, even sex, except in marriage). With some kind of acknowledgement that staying pure is hard without actually spelling it out, this book confirmed what we always knew - it is an on going battle.

Of course, like the Battle books, it has the potential to wound and shame people from both sides of the fence. And that's where the troubles seemed to begin.

2. It talked about some familiar landscapes like youth groups.
As Aussies we don't date the same way Americans do - from what I can gather anyway. In our land, you're either together or you're not. The not part is where the difficulties lie. While the book promotes a lot of group dating settings and warns against isolated 1-on-1 time with your love interest, it makes for a much more complicated social scene.

I found in my time at college and in the big wide world, often Christian guys are so happy to seek knowledge from anyone one else apart from the lady he is interested in. I think book is part of that issue. If you read some of the links I've referred to, you'll know why this is a problem.

3. We all like a reward for our hard labour. And it pooh-poohs those who don't get a reward.
Marriage is rightfully put on a pedestal in this book. It makes it okay for young Christians to start talking about - and soon - get married. Why? Because marriage is the reward and/or outcome of dating.

The book also tells Tales of Woe about people who couldn't get married and about failed relationships. Heartbreak hurts, I'm not going to even joke about that. We don't need heartbreak to know we are on to a good thing (though many older and wiser people will tell you otherwise). But a hurting heart doesn't mean we shouldn't try to find someone. It is good to find a book which will acknowledge that heartache is painful, but to what cost to the reader? Of course, there will be similar tales of virginity - if you grew up around the same time as me, you may know the concept of a sticky soul (which gets unsticky)or the unsurprising unwrapped/rewrapped Christmas present. It is easy to forget that Josh write this at the ripe old age of 21. Keep that in your heads. Please.

4. Lust is only lust.
To my 15 year old self, I got this bit the best. Of course a crush is just a crush, it doesn't mean anything right?

Although Josh will tell you otherwise, it is okay to be interested in someone without even thinking about marrying them. Why? Because I was 15, I was highly unlikely to actually marry someone I met at that age. But also, how do you distinguish a crush from the real deal? Don't read this book. Listen to your heart and perhaps a trusted friend. And pray about it. A lot.

How do I feel about this book?

It really isn't the book's fault, or even the author's.
I think the problem is twofold:
1. Using this book as an example.
Yes, it was a best seller. It contains a lot of ideas youth groups were promoting all the time. But it's not a dating (sorry, courtship) manual, and it is simply the thoughts of an idealistic young man who saw what worked in his community.

Within my world, one of my friends loved it, a couple I knew got married because of it, but for the most part it caused men and women to find parts in it which meant something to them and apply it as a hard and fast rule. There's one book that's good for, it's called The Bible.

2. Not thinking for yourself.
I was a teenager when I read this, and highly impressionable. Luckily my Mum saw the stupidity of the content and has referred to it over the years. Other people did not come out of this so unscathed. This book should not have been marketed to teenagers. Not only did this put lots of grand ideas in my head about marriage (thoughts which I hadn't really considered before), I felt as if I was a bad person for kissing before I was married, having dated someone for a month and generally having a lot of really great friendships with guys. There is another book too called "I Gave Dating a Chance", which basically lists all the awesome things the author's ex girlfriends did for him, including making soup. If I was any of those girls I would still probably be mortified.

I digress!
Thinking for yourself is truly a lifelong process - even after seven years of living by myself, I still check in with my Mum to see if she thinks I'm "sick enough" for a day off. I had a few trusted friends I could have spoken to, but again this book showed that being impure in any sense is wrong. And I was never really the type to share with my gal pals about such things.

Had I read this in my first year at College, or even in the lead up to my wedding, I probably would have gleaned some small bits of information and moved on. Incorrect marketing was my downfall.

By all means, read this book. It is challenging and interesting. You'll cringe at some of the stories - just wait for the too-tight-t-shirt date (as a wearer of tight t-shirts myself I probably would have told that guy to keep on driving, someone else could take me our for ice cream - but in terms of thinking about relationships, it is a different and new concept to what we Christians would call "the world's idea of dating". The poor world. It cops a lot of flak from us.

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Debunking the God Moments Myth

Have you you ever had one of those d&ms with someone about God? Or a quick chat that turns into a serious prayer session? How about some unexplained act of kindness?

If you've spent some time in the church you might be familar with the term "God Moments". I don't know who made this concept of God Moments up, but it seems to be a way of us identifying that something spiritual has happened when we least expect it. I've also heard the term "Sneaky Jesus" in replacement of the "God Moments" - when Jesus seems to have crashed your woe is me party just when you needed it most. Another popular Pentecostal idea is 'being in the presence of God" in "the house".

I don't want to be negative about other people's spiritual experiences, but let's look at some of these notions and about why I don't really like them.

I remember very vividly scoffing at one of my friends who had came back from church camp who said "And God was just there!" I have felt really bad in my response (which, for the record, "but God is everywhere!" was my reply) for a really long time. However, this is what this little post is about. If God is everywhere, He is part of every facet of our lives. Why are we so surprised when He seems to show up?

In Bible College we were warned against waiting for the next big event to help boost our spiritual lives. As someone who loathes camps, this spoke to me as I knew so many people who this was a huge thing. For me I lived for Christian concerts and rallies because they had all had a significant impact on my life. Other than events, we long for church, for fellowship, for the 'God Stuff'. Why is it so hard to identify that God is with us, even when we are unaware? Is it because God is intentional, even when we are not?

During His time on Earth, Jesus Christ was the most intentional man (and also Son of God) to walk among people. He healed the sick, He predicted his own death and His friend's denial of their relationship, He shared his beliefs through parables which spoke to people where they were at. Nothing about the man or mission of Jesus Christ implies He was there for a 'moment' or that he was sneaky about his interactions with others.

Really, the problem lies with how we choose to see Jesus. Is He there on Sundays at Church or during an unexpected meeting? Yes. He is also there when you are washing the dishes, or crying on the couch, or eating pizza with good friends. Should we be awaiting God Moments, or should we be expecting God Moments to be a lifelong portion of time?

I guess what's what the debunking of the myth is about - simply highlighting who Jesus was and how He is present all the time - even when we don't realise it.

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Your love is a lie: Falling out of love with Marilyn

I've been a bit obsessed by Marilyn Monroe for my entire adult life. Lots of my love for for this bombshell is based on a series of lies, often called poetic licence. Or something like that. Here's my story.

One Sunday night I happened to catch most of the telemovie Blonde. Blonde captured me in its telling of a sad and used young woman who grew up to be sold out by pretty much everyone she ever cared about. I felt like I could relate to Marilyn with her rather useless best friend and being taken for rides by men who appeared to love her and actually didn't. Blonde also makes a lot of reference to Marilyn's desperation to be a mother.

As awesome as Blonde was, it is actually a fictional movie based on some facts of Marilyn's life. Blonde had its beginnings as a novel by Joyce Carol Oates and was never intended to be biographic piece of literature. The beginning of the movie states this fact, but of course I missed the start and didn't realise. In my experience, books on Marilyn's life are hard to come by, especially when compared to other pop icons - the Beatles should probably have their own section in bookstores for example - and the internet is notorious for inaccuracy about Marilyn.

For a very long time, this was my quote I used everywhere from my Facebook profile to helping my poor mind process life and/or love going wrong:

Never one to shirk from my love of Marilyn, people would remind me "Oh, she was addicted to drugs, probably not be best role model to have." Wrong wrong wrong. People make mistakes, even my Marilyn. But, what I didn't realise is that quote, which I had loved for ten years was also a lie. As much of a lie as this one:

This brilliant "quote" comes from a nice little collection you can find here.
Of course, my personal favourite misquote opens itself up for a lot of criticism, and it seems that I am probably in the wrong with this too. Basically, this quote says for some women that it is okay to be the very worst person possible. Or, as I like to say "it's not classy for a woman to refer to themselves as a bitch just because they want to seem tough". This quote is probably the passive aggressive version of self-bitch-naming. I am quite glad Marilyn never did say this now. If you want to read more of Marilyn's most misquotes quotes, check out Janie's Take on Marilyn.

The last thing I have always loved about Marilyn is her supposed body measurements. I have been told she was a size 12 (or 14), that she would not be accepted as a sex symbol now due to her size  and that curves rock.

Okay, have you ever looked at an actual picture of Marilyn? She was not a every-day-icecream-eating woman like myself. Yes, she had that perfect body shape, and in today's world she might find herself on magazine covers for her amazing weight loss/gain/loss again. Just because Marilyn rocks the curves, doesn't mean she makes it okay to be overweight. Look at her, no one would, could or should be questioning whether she is at a healthy body weight. I have found a long list of possible measurements for Marilyn, but at the end of the day we don't really know, and it probably isn't that important.

My love is a lie, but I have decided to get real on my Marilyn interest. No more internetz for me, I'm sticking to books and then deciding what could be true. At the end of it all, we won't ever know much more than what we do now about her life and the issues surrounding her death. But from now on I won't be quoting her misquotes. Marilyn Monroe is better than that.